201314...

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Still don't know what the reason I still wanna make her happy or try to cheer her up, ya I'm still angry still stress still pain... But still don't know what the reason I still care about her... Ya I know I'm stupid keep give people hurt me keep stress myself keep doing stupid thing, seriously I know what I'm doing all is stupid, but why I keep continue this stupid action? And I always tell me that she know people's but not understand me, which means she know what type of person of me but is not understand what kind of person of me. My best friend told me that meet lot of people and you may know what kind of person you know, but if want understand someone it was really hard, you need spend lot of time lot of effort to get understanding what type of person you want to understand. Second I keep told myself that I'm not the person that able give what she needed, because I can't even take care myself, how can I care other people? And I don't even know how to love myself so how am I love other people? I keep thinking negative stuff to made myself let her go I'm not the one suits her and I more prefer alone, if I'm alone 1 person only I no need care much no need to understand anything no need worry anything happen, because I am I, I'm fall down I'm sick I'm lost even I'm die also non of other people business, I no need care what happen to me, and because me is me, what I want to do to me is my own business, how people look at me is their business not of my concern or my issue. But I hate lonely feel, every night when wanna find a person to chat is very difficult, lucky I still have blog and sina, I can always post anything about my feel inside, I don't care is there any people read it or not. O yay today is 2013.1.4, in Chinese define as love you one life one ever, simple meaning is love you forever... I'm thinking wanna do something special in this date, but... I don't know, am I should do it or not, maybe I just ignore this day, because that guy will do what he needed to do, and me? Should not step over line and did something that out of matter. I wonder if I can do something like, after work invite her out for dinner then have a walk in park or mall and chat this few day what is happening, then slowly move in main path like holding hand and a comfort hug... Then send her back and a good night kiss lol... Haha I'm dreaming, but is good when in the dream, will not affect anything happen... Just my dream no one able control me, I can do what i wish to do.